They should make scented candles that smell like shit so that you can give them to people you don’t like and on the front it says, “garden eruption” when really they will either light it and it will smell like shit or they will take a big whiff of it and it will smell like shit. OR, the top layer of scent is actually garden eruption, and then after that it smells like shit so after like 15 minutes their whole house smells like shit and you are like haha fucker I got you, your house smells like shit. This would be perfect for office parties secret santas, or your neighbor who lets their dog shit in your yard.
Top Five Hobbies for Really Lonely People
1. Buy a bunch of those real dolls and have a tea party with them. After the tea party, (which is delightful by the way and the conversations are endless and full of great detail and depth) you have sex with all of them and then spend another 5 hours deep cleaning them.
2. Get a shit ton of cats, and pet them for hours.
3. Buy an ice cream truck, and drive around with the song on so kids run up to you and then you trick them into your truck and talk to them about all of the stupid boring shit you’ve been doing. After three to four hours let them go and actually give them ice cream for their troubles.
4. Start crafting and small army of hand made dolls and action figures. Get like 10,000 of them and then in the middle of the night place them all in front of someones yard that you don’t like. Make sure they all have glowing red eyes and a motion sensor that says something creepy when they walk by. Leave a note on the door that says each of these toys are attached to bombs. If you move any of them you will die. Then sit and watch. This will fill a lot of time both in making the dolls and planting and watching them.
5. Buy a prostitute.
