Deaths of 2009

In this I will give the most shocking death to me in each month.  RIP all of these former living beings.

1. India “Willie” Bush (c. 1990 – January 4, 2009)  This death of course shocked us all in the very beginning of the year, the beloved pet of the Bush family for almost two decades.  If you want to see a picture of this cat here is the link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/India_(cat) .  It was sad to see this cat go, but it did live to be almost 140 in cat years which is decent.  India will be missed, mostly by Laura Bush because as a housewife all she does is talk to this cat all day.

2.  Socks (c. March 1989 – February 20, 2009)  This death again shocked us all to think that both former president cats died at the same age on back to back months.  Socks was a real nice cat, loved catnip, milk, you know regular cat things.  This death deeply hurt Bill Clinton because this cat was the only excuse to keep Hillary away from him because she is allergic to cute things because she is a evil bitch.  Link to a picture of socks giving his famous address to cats of america to stop being nice to dogs.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socks_(cat)

3.  Endal (13 December 1995 – 13 March 2009)  O Endal was a loyal pup who gained many awards in england and was a great service dog.  Through the grapevine I heard that he also licked peanut butter off of Prince Charles……Foot when he accidentally dropped some while making a sandwich.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endal

4.  Heinz Schröder (April 24, 1928 – April 22, 2009)  Due to my German background, I loved watching Heinz control puppets and his puppeteering was genious to watch.  He controlled some great puppets such as:

• Bummi the bear
• Onkel Uhu (Uncle Eagle Owl)
• Buddelflink the mole

Great characters he will be missed.  http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1777147/

5. Hideyuki Fujisawa June 19, 1925 – May 8, 2009.  A great japanese “go” player.  It is said that he would drink for 9 months straight and then sober up to participate in go again.  He would go in go for so long and so good and he was the best at go.  He once had the title for six straight years and then lost to Cho Chikun.  An epic battle.  Read more here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hideyuki_Fujisawa

6.  William Darrell “Billy” Mays, Jr. (July 20, 1958 – June 28, 2009)  Of course everyones favorite pitchman was on the coke.  How else could he do all those commercials all the time?  I just hope that he sees his dad willie mays in heaven.

7.  Gidget “Taco Bell chihuahua” Chipperton (c. 1994 – July 21, 2009) again another death that rocked my world.  He was famous for his catch phrase “Yo Quiero Taco Bell”, which of course meant, come to taco bell and shit liquid for 3 days.  He will be missed.  He also starred in air bud.

8.  yep we’re in august and I’m still going,   Chanel (May 6, 1988 – August 28, 2009)The worlds oldest dog.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chanel_(dog) My dog millie would have lived this long if I walked her at all, so she wasn’t 40 pounds over weight and had a smelly vagina.  All sad but true facts.

9.  Dick Hoover (15 December 1929 – 17 September 2009) Dick really made the PBA what it was and without him we would not have a PBA. thank you Dick, you taught me how to 7-10 split and I’ll never forget it.

10.  Pat Keysell (7 June 1926 – 31 October 2009)  How scary is it that he died on Halloween night?  check it out.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pat_Keysell  I mean how scary is that.  haha  just kidding you thought you would read something scary and you didn’t, it is sad tho.

11.  Asim Mohamood Butt (24 October 1967 – 30 November 2009)  He won’t be the BUTT of any death jokes.  Jeez he’s not moving very fast, kinda like Asim Mohamood Butt!  Too soon?  Seriously though when anyone named Butt dies its a sad day.  He could play cricket with the best butts around.

12.  Chris Hicks (15 May 1987-31 December 2009)  At the time this is written, Chris is still alive, but he tends to overdue it when he is drinking, so this will be the time that he goes too far and actually dies, that or he is really hungover.  Well I hope you are as sad about these as I am, and heres to next year hoping no one dies that is famous, especially someone like MJ who will take up the news for like 3 months.

Links and Such

Its been awhile, so here’s some stuff.

The Gap commercial with the little girls is hilarious (mostly just the part where the girl screams, actually only that part).  This commercial also doubles as the only time while I’m watching TV that I take my hand out of my pants to avoid any awkward roommate moments.

The Big Ten is considering expanding to a 12th team. Awesome. Finally, people won’t forget about this conference after Thanksgiving. Maybe they’ll add Notre Dame and we can have a huge overrated party together!!

What the fuck you looking at?

And finally, I thought this was a really interesting article about America’s place in the global economy.

NFL Week 9 Picks

This isn’t your average NFL pick column. Anyone can pick a score, or a winner, or even a spread. It takes a man’s man to go deep inside the game over and over until you fill it with your predictions. It also takes a man’s man to talk about terrorism and how they could do it better (see below). Now that everyone is hot and bothered, here are my Week 9 predictions and what people should be betting on, the score at the end of the first quarter.

Falcons – 14 Washington – 3

Arizona – 3  Chicago – 7

Baltimore – 7 Cincinnati – 7

Houston – 7 Indianapolis – 14

Miami – 0 New England – 10

Green Bay – 14 Tampa Bay – 7

Kansas City – 0 Jacksonville – 0

Detroit – 0 Seattle – 14

Carolina – 3 New Orleans – 17

San Diego – 7 NY Giants – 3

Tennessee – 0 San Francisco – 0

Dallas – 7 Philadelphia – 7

Pittsburgh – 0 Denver – 0

Reminder, all of the above picks are determined based on the Fisher Cranial Concentration Immersion Theory (me thinking hard for approximately 7 seconds).

 

 

 

I’m not a terrorist but if I was…

If I was a terrorist I would stop messing around with this shooting up like fifteen people business and I would attack football stadiums.  I mean really, you could take out way more people than the WTC with one plane or bomb in a football stadium.  If the terrorist are trying to kill the most people at a time stop all the sissy bullshit and really get after it.  If I was a terrorist trying to kill random people in Iraq or Afganistan I would kill easily 1,000-2,000 people weekly.  How?  Pour rat poison in their water supply.  Also, I could just bomb the fuck out of them or inject their crops and cows with mad cow disease.  Can you imagine corn with mad cow disease?  Not good.  Not good at all.  Anyway terrorists, this hot mouth is calling you out.  It’s like those people who still smoke marijuana and they are like 27.  Stop with the high school bullshit and get into some real drugs.  I mean really terrorists, really.

Ace’s awful stand up routine about pants

Hey beautiful audience, hey tits mcgee out there nice tits.  Alright well have you ever been so drunk that you shit your pants?  haha I know right we have all done it you know the ole wake up in  a pile of your own shit.  Well have you ever been so drunk that you shit someone else’s pants.  You were like shitting your pants and you shit so hard that your shit somehow left your pants and got on someone elses pants.  Speaking of shitting someone else’s pants, have you ever been so drunk you masturbated someone else’s pants?  Like you were masturbating and you shot it so hard and crazy it went like threw the vent in your room over to your roommates room and it got on his pants.  haha i know crazy right?  Speaking of masturbating on someone elses pants have you ever been so drunk you pantsed some one elses pants.  You like have your pants and there pants are there and your pants go on there pants and all the pants are all mixed up and your like Whoa pants everywhere.  Alright thank you goodnight.