WARNING: Twilight Spoiler

Ok, well last night I anxiously waited in line to see one of the best movies ever made. Amazingly, it wasn’t sold out so I bought a ticket and got in line, fighting the urge to piss myself with excitement. I was really confused why people were dressed up as vampires and werewolves but I didn’t think much of it, midnight crowds are always a little different. Anyway, I guess I should explain how I even got to be so lucky to see this movie at midnight. I read on an online blog that “You’ve Got Mail 2: Forwarding” was being released in a first ever secret midnight release. I didn’t tell ANYBODY!!  I went down to the theater and asked for a ticket to the midnight show, the cashier responded with “New Moon?” so I said yeah (Must be a codename, that’s clever.) Anyway, I’m walking into the theater, I’ll let you know what I think afterwards. On a sidenote, how did all of these other people find out, must have read the same blog……..

WOW!!! That was crazy. So there were quite a few plot changes and I never really like it when they change actors from the first movie, but whatever. SPOILER ALERT!!!! Ok, first thing, time travel. Apparently, Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks’ characters went back in time because they are way younger. Also, if you were wondering what Meg Ryan did after her store closed, I always thought she went to work at Fox Books. WRONG!! She went to High School! Who saw that coming, I sure didn’t. Anyway, Tom Hanks is  gone, I don’t know why but apparently Meg Ryan and him had a falling out of sorts. (NOTE: Apparently, there was a You’ve Got Mail 1.5 that really tied these two together, man I wish I had seen that, I was so lost.)

Anyway, Greg Kinnear is back, he’s younger as well and slightly Native American-ish. I don’t think he’s a columnist anymore, I don’t see him doing much typing throughout the film. He likes Meg Ryan again, and DOES NOT like young, tall pale Tom Hanks. Oh yeah, Greg Kinnear is also a freaking WEREWOLF!! Whoa plot twist!! Let’s just say, a very audible “holy shit” came from my seat when that happened. I must have missed something because Meg Ryan seems to be handling herself well despite all the weird shit going on that has almost nothing to do with children’s books or romantic comedies. Also, there are a lot of  girls screaming with joy at young Greg Kinnear and young Tom Hanks, its crazy. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Dave Chappelle’s character was replaced by some crazy black guy with Adam Duritz hair, seems a little racist but I won’t get into that.

So Tom Hank’s a vampire. At that point, I was warned that I would be removed from the theater if I uttered any more exclamations of surprise involving the word “shit”. Apparently they decided to go from a figurative “blood sucking corporate asshole” to the literal thing.  But come on, seriously, this is ridiculous. So Meg Ryan tries to kill herself to get Tom Hanks back, and Greg Kinnear keeps taking his shirt off. I just think they’ve lost all the magic and warmth from the first movie. Instead of Meg Ryan’s adorable charm, we have negative nancy girl crying and being depressed all the time. This movie is also over two hours long!! It also doesn’t involve a single email exchange, I don’t think its necessary to explain why that’s odd. Anyway, I’m not sure how it ended, I walked out. Some other vampires started beating Tom Hanks up and I’m not sure if it was a metaphor for corporate cannibalism or whatever, but I just could not follow this story line. I wish I could say my critical opinion was the consensus but a lot of people seemed to love this movie, I just don’t get it.

Weekend Tidbits

Fish here, with a recap of what I saw over the weekend. Some is different, some is boring, some is just stuff. All stories are true, and all my opinions are right. Without further ado:

Texas Roadhouse Sucks – If you’re looking for a restaurant exactly like Logan’s but don’t want to eat at a Logan’s because you want to eat some shit to fully appreciate Logan’s next time you’re there, eat at Texas Roadhouse.

No one Likes Marty McFly – At least not as much as I do. My Halloween costume was mistaken for a bum and not being a costume at all.

Stilts Peeing is Awesome – I witnessed a man piss at a urinal while wearing drywall stilts. This was easily the longest amount of time I’d spent watching another man piss at a urinal.

The Big Ten is Bad – This is coming from an MSU fan. Maybe a BCS whooping put on Iowa will make Big Ten coaches realize this. Oh wait……

Drunk Wrestling is Awesome – This weekend I fell into a filing cabinet, was punched with a bottle of B Vitamins, choked a man with a hanger while wearing only my boxers and shattered a door mirror over my knee. How that didn’t lead to gay sex I still don’t really know.

My Car Smells like Pee and Miller Lite – This is probably from my friend who peed on his costume then put it in my car, and the beer that got kicked over onto my floormat the following morning.

Land of the Lost is Good – This movie got a lot of criticism and was regarded as a letdown by many. Apparently they were hoping to not laugh and were disappointed when the movie was actually good.

What a weekend it was, and just a reminder that everything you just read is true and all opinions correct therefore if yours differ you are wrong. Thanks for reading.